“You have no idea what you are in for.” I was in a dormitory
rec room the first time I heard those words. It was the end of two weeks of
intense Resident Assistant training. I was feeling prepared and excited to
begin this new role. In a meeting with all of the new RAs, the Associate
Director of Res Life looked around at all of us and said this. Not only did
those words prove true then, I think of them at the beginning of every new
journey: new jobs, grad school, a year of service, or marathon training plans.
I realize when I say, “yes,” no matter how much training or preparation I have
gone through to get to that yes, I have no idea what I am in for.
These words occurred to me again as I finished filling out
the on-line registration form for the Flying Pig Marathon coming up on May 6th.
It will be my 3rd marathon and last major race before another major
event. I am donating a kidney to my father shortly after that marathon
concludes.
Two big physical yeses and I have no idea what I am in for.
But when do we ever really know? When we make any kind of
decision can we ever know what will come of it? We always have to say “yes” or
“no” without all of the information.
All we have to know is “why.” Nietzsche once said “He who
has a why to live can bear almost any how.” Why do I want to run another
marathon and why do I want to give my dad my kidney? And why, friends, do you
want to do the things you want to do this year? What are your reasons for
saying yes or no to the things that you do?
My answer? I believe in saying yes to things that scare me.
When I stare at a distant goal, and tremble at the sacrifice needed to achieve
it, and simultaneously cannot imagine anything I want more? Those are the
opportunities I don’t want to pass up. Those are the journeys that make me feel
most alive. Those are the yeses that come out of deep hope and love. And that’s
where I want to live. Out of that place. Not out of the fear of not knowing
what to expect. If my why is love then the how will take care of itself.
Running a marathon and donating a kidney are yeses that come
from the same place. When I look back on my life, as I am wont to do at the end
of one year and beginning of another, I want to know I said yes to the things
that matter most to me. I want to know that I was open to transformation, to
risk, to opportunities to put love into action in ways that only I can. I want
to know I pushed myself — that I believed enough in my reasons to say yes
without knowing entirely what to expect along the way.
That’s the why. Because I believe love, hope, and faith will
beat fear, doubt, and apathy every time. The “how” remains to be seen. Five months
of training runs, followed by running 26.2 miles in a row and a major surgery
for my dad and me aren’t the most predictable of scenarios. It’s a new year. I
know I have no idea what I am in for. But I can’t wait to find out.
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