Self-Doubt's Day Off

I am convinced we are not meant to find the limits of our potential on our own.

A few weeks ago, a friend (C.) and I decided to sign up for the Halloween Half Marathon. I spent the last couple of months increasing my weekly and daily mileage, motivated by the cool fall air and gorgeous days for running. Looking for a race to direct all of this mileage towards, C. suggested this half. We officially registered and began exchanging encouraging e-mails about our training.

On race day, I stepped into the chilly 36 degree air, and wondered if I had dressed warmly enough. I hopped into the car with C. and her husband to ride to the race. Initially a group of people had expressed enthusiasm for running this race, but when the day arrived it was just C. and me running, and her husband to cheer us on.

That was all I needed.

C. and I never ran together before, and I am always nervous about new running buddies. Are they going to want to listen to music or talk? How much talking should we do? What if we’re having different kinds of races? Will I say “go ahead” or try to keep up? Will I feel okay going ahead if I need to? Are we the right pace for each other?

Running with a new person is risky. There is a balance between being comfortable with yourself and adapting to someone else. In some ways it is like dating. You just can’t be sure about the other person, and if it is going to work until you spend some time together. However, if you are willing to risk potential discomfort, the payoff can be huge.

The voice of self-doubt is an annoying, nagging thing that seems to pester us negativity.  “You couldn’t possibly…” “remember this time when you failed?” “no one cares if you do or don’t…” That voice is hard to shut-up, especially in a test of physical endurance when your body is tired and echoing everything it says, or when it would be easier to choose not to try at all.

Running with the right person is the perfect antidote to self-doubt. With the right person, you become a better runner. There is a feeling of being both challenged and supported. There are times when you forget you are running, and times with mutual complaining. Being able to say, “this sucks!” to someone in the same situation keeps away the “I can’t do it” that always seems to follow.

Doubt and self imposed limitation can’t survive when the race is no longer about “what can I do,” but “what can we do together?” I have learned a lot in the solitude of running by myself, but it has only been in the company of other runners that I have seen what I can become. In my quest to be realistic I set up barriers. I wonder how many times I have said to myself or to others “I go this pace, I can’t go that one.” 

Our imaginations are so limited. Sometimes we need someone else to shed light on the potential we can’t see in ourselves. We need someone to just believe in us. Somewhere along the way I forgot to question whether or not and for how long I could sustain this faster pace. I just ran with C., who didn’t question my ability at all. Together we both found our way to new PRs and new understandings of our potential. Together, we gave self-doubt a needed day off.