A Mental Reset

After my last disastrous run, I needed to regroup and remind myself why I was doing this before Saturday’s 14 miler. Strangely enough, for fun! So how do I bring fun back? The first step just involved a little preparation and new gadget. I mapped out my route, wrote down directions and created a new play list with hours worth of music (yes, hours-as I would be running for more than two!) I hooked up my new Nike Fit and was already feeling better, more excited. I spent more time reviewing a training book that helped me shift my mindset.

I remembered that there are some great things about training and about races. I love the feeling of working really hard. I like the sense of satisfaction that comes from getting up early and working out longer in one session then most people do in a week. I love the feeling of resting after that. Of knowing that I earned it, and my legs reminding me what I accomplished with every movement the rest of the day (that’s a fun way of saying they are sore!) I love that no one is making me do this. It’s not for a varsity letter, or fame, or glory. It doesn’t make me any money. In fact it costs me quite a lot!

I choose to train and race because it reminds me that I am an athlete. Races celebrate that in everyone who chooses to do them. Pinning on a bib number is a sacramental ritual symbolizing hard work, commitment, and even courage. It connects a person, in an instant, to the thousands of other people who were running alone in the dark for the past 4 or 5 months to race this very day. The people cheering, paper cups filled with Gatorade, and finishers’ medals are just icing on the cake.

With this renewed perspective I ran my 14 miles. I listened to some new music, ate new flavors of cliff shot blocks, discovered new beautiful houses on quiet streets, saw a red-tailed hawk, and listened to the lady in the Nike Fit tell me how far I had come and what pace I had gone. I met B. for the second 7 miles and finished them with relative ease. We celebrated this longest run ever with an amazing home cooked breakfast. Food and warm coffee never tasted so good.

I have yet to figure out how to conjure a Patronus and deal with those running Dementors. I know they will be back. What I remember now is that I want to do this. I have listened to the people who question my sanity, my judgment and even my safety for too long. Over the next few weeks I will work on tuning those comments out, and amplifying the supportive feedback—“it will be awesome,” “look at what you have already done,” and “good for you, I admire what you are doing.” I will spend whatever time it takes changing routes and music to keep it fun and interesting. Most of all, I will remind myself with every run, that I am choosing to do this, I want to do this, and it is worth it every day.