Running out of Fear?

It was a high of 18 today. It was sunny and the roads were finally clear…sort of. After some indoor cross training and track running due to inclement weather I was finally able to get outside for this week’s long run of 8 miles. I scheduled to do the second 4 miles with a friend and we had agreed on a meeting time and place. All I had to do was figure out my route and get there.

Bundled in layers I headed out the door and a gust of wind blew right through my jacket chilling me to the core. For what must be the 100th time in a month I questioned why I was doing this. It was so cold. I am from Wisconsin and it was cold, even for me. I turned the heat on full blast in the car on my way to my starting point and pondered my motivation. Maybe it’s fear. Fear is my motivation for going out on an 18 degree day and running 8 miles through traffic and snow? I am afraid that I can’t run a marathon. I am afraid that I won’t finish. That I won’t make it to the starting line, that I will get sick, get swine flu, that I will quit, that my legs will give out or my training will get derailed. I am afraid of so many things. I am afraid that I will fail in this attempt.

I believe we should act out of hope and not fear. That fear can paralyze us and decisions we make because of hope are what lead us to places we dream of and places we are called to. And yet, fear, today was motivating me. So what does this mean about the things I believed? I must admit, it gave me pause. Then I thought of a t-shirt I once read “Respect Everyone, Fear No One.”

Perhaps a better word for my motivation is respect. After all, I still believe that anyone in the right circumstances will finish. If your life, or the life of the ones you love is on the line, you can jog, walk, crawl, or hobble your way to 26.2. You’ll find a way to finish. I want more than that. I want to feel good at mile 10, 12, 18. I want to know that when I hit a wall, I have faced it before. I want to do this without injury. I know that won’t happen if I don’t train. I respect the distance. Every time I train I make a deposit in the bank of confidence. I face all of those things I am afraid will happen and acknowledge that they could, in fact, happen. When I signed up for something I hadn’t done before, something I wasn’t 100% sure I could do, I took a risk. It’s uncharted territory for me and I might fail. Things could go wrong. With each run I do, and each mile I accomplish, I am one step closer to erasing all of those fears by proving them incorrect. Yes, I might fail, but not today. Today, I am running.